And Many More From Channel Four

Today is my birthday. I'm 35 years old. No big whoop because age is just a number and I'm still able to pick my gray hairs out of my head every few months when they show up. Thank you Grandpa Gene for your genes!

Thirteen Memorable Galoot Birthdays

1. 1990 - I came home Sunday night from a weekend at Kentucky Colonel's house. As soon as I walked in the front door my Saint Eileen (my mother) told me to go down to the den because the Organ Grinder (my stepfather) wanted to have a talk with me. I felt I must be in trouble for something. Bracing myself for the worst, I went down the stairs, only to find my closest high school friends waiting for me. Surprise!
2. 1976 or 1977? I remember some uncles and aunts coming over to the house on Long Island. The memorable present was a "Star Trek" playset (the main deck of the Enterprise with a transporter room off to the left.)
   
3. 1993 - My girlfriend and I had broken up that week and my Grandpa Ed died around the same time. I hid out from my fraternity brothers so they wouldn't drag me off to St. Louis for a birthday pub crawl. Two freshmen, who would soon pledge our fraternity, snuck a six pack up to my room and shared it with me. Good times.
4. 1978 - New Jersey apartment. Don't remember the gifts, but I do remember disco dancing and pin the tail on the donkey!
5. 1979 - Kentucky house on Arbor Court. Saint Eileen made a pan cake that was made to look like my basketball jersey. She made very good pan cakes.
6. 1991 - I returned to Kentucky on my holiday break and threw a party for myself at Chuck E. Cheese. More good times!
7. 2002 - My first birthday in Jamestown. I share this life event with the Mayor (my father-in-law) and the next day is Mr. Social (brother-in-law)'s. The whole fam damily went to Hultman's in Falconer to eat. Hultman's is a neat family-run restaurant that basically takes up the first floor of a house. Good eats!
8. 1999 - My first birthday with PGirl.
9. 2000 - My second birthday with PGirl. These last two are most special because they involved the two of us. No kids yet, beginning to plan our future together. Just the two of us.
10. 2001 - I certainly enjoyed my birthday, but I was also anticipating the June birth of PGirl Jr.! A few months later we would see our first images of her during an after-hours, undercover visit to a hospital visit in Tennessee. Thanks to Sylvia's sister for sneaking us in!
11. 1996 - It sucks to have to rehearse on Super Bowl Sunday. But I lived through it and made it to BradyBoone's apartment for his party. A woman I had been set up with by Boone's fiance brought a cake for me. We'd been on a few dates but nothing ever happened with her.
12. 1995 - Another Super Bowl Sunday rehearsal. This time I went to my cousin Eddie's house to celebrate the game. Little fanfare for my b-day. That's cool.
13. 1972 - I sprung forth from Saint Eileen's loins! Liberation!
    

13 Things on My Blog From N to Z

N="Nosy", my second ever post.
O= Odiferous, my toots stink the most.
P=Preppygirl, who rings my bells.
R="R" - And you know what else?
S=Swayze is the man. He's like no other.
T=Tim, or the Mick. Galoot's little brother.
U=Uncle Tupelo, the world's greatest band.
V = Fourth letter in Pavement, a group that was grand.
W= "Whack", which describes my B-Boy son.
X= Making my porn name was fun!
Y = "Yes, And" An Improv Golden Rule, Which I Used This Past Yule...
Z = 3rd and 4th letters of Jazz, look at the pic and pick out the spaz!

Slaughter House 23

PGirl Junior called for me to come upstairs last night. Now, I'd been mentally preparing myself to watch two hours of the season premiere of "24" and was prepared for all manner of torture, explosions and other senseless violence (Jack delivered, too, by biting a man's throat out. Yes. He.Bit.It.Out. Lost Boy indeed!). Anyway, nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when I entered her room.


The ladybug bean bag's contents were off-limits to my daughter and son. They had been for some time. PGirl has encountered the bean bag injured before, but never so grievously. This was likely going to result in a funeral for our comfy furniture friend.

Our daughter had obviously called me up, because the original PGirl would have had a considerably more animated and angry response than me. I took it in stride. But then I actually looked at the culprit.


I had to stifle a laugh. PGirl came upstairs to look. I excused myself to use the potty, looking for relief from the oncoming storm. My wife was surprisingly calm, raising her voice over the vacuum cleaner motor to tell the kids to stop tracking bean bag guts around the house.

PGirl Jr. wasn't very remorseful. Please note the lint brush in her hands. I'm pretty sure she was more concerned with cleaning her clothes than with hiding the crime. My little attempted murderess would likely follow Martha Stewart's prison example.





In unrelated news, the kids are home with me today and I actually planned an activity with them. We made some chocolate chip cookies today. Enjoy the pics...

Hazy Shade of Winter

The snow finally arrived in Western New York this week.

Here are:

Thirteen Things That Happened On Hump Day

1. Woke up to a two hour school delay.
2. Used the snowblower for the second time this winter.
3. Found out that the delay turned into a school closure.
4. Emailed to my coworkers that I'd be working out of the home to watch PGirlJr. on her first snow day of 2007.
5. Did some laundry.
6. Did some work.
7. Lost, then recovered the wireless signal from the home DSL line.
8. Baked a frozen pizza for lunch and made popcorn for a snack.
9. Cooked dinner at 2pm and stored in the fridge for later.
10. Threw snowballs at the kids.
11. Made snow angels with the kids.
12. Took a call from an asshole telemarketer. I kid you not, this guy was along the lines of that infamous AOL service cancellation call that was featured on the Today show.
13. Sat in my thermal underwear while typing this post.
    

Winter Wonderlands

I figured I might fire one off here during my desktop lunch.

Whether you are in warm or cold weather...

A few good movies that take place in winter:

1. Wonder Boys
2. Guarding Tess
3. Uncle Buck
4. Groundhog Day
5. The Breakfast Club

Holiday Honorable Mention (For those of you who can still watch Christmas Movies in January and not get depressed.)

1. Nobody's Fool (with Paul Newman)
2. The Family Stone
3. Just Friends
   

Guilt Trip

From a MySpace Bulletin. The taker is supposed to type in "guilty" or "innocent". I'm just going to answer the damn questions.

1. Dated outside your race?
Yes. Jamaican/Canadian.

2. Given a hickey?
I don't think so.

3. Dated your best friend?
I'll assume this means dating someone who started out as best friend. No.

4. Sung in the shower?
Not in some time.

5. Spit in someone's drink?
No.

6. Broke up with someone?
Yes.

7. Opened your Christmas presents early?
Yes.

8. Took a Christmas present back?
Yes.

9. Seen "The Goonies" more than 10 times?
Are you kidding? I own the special edition DVD!

10. Had more than five REAL bf/gF?
Yes.

11. Played a computer game for more than 5 hours?
In my younger days, yes.

12. Ran through the sprinklers?
What else would I do with one? Yes.

13. Ate food that fell on the floor?
Still do.

14. Went outside naked?
Boynton Beach.

15. Made out with your best friends bf/gf?
I've probably felt like it, but no.

16. Mooned somebody?
Yes.

17. Been on stage?
Over 100 times and counting.

18. Made someone cry?
Yes.

19. Been in a parade?
As a Boy Scout, on a classic TV Christmas character float and carrying a 150 pound teenager on my back.

20. Been in a school play.
Many.

21. Drank beer?
I love Yuengling and Southern Tier.

22. Gotten detention?
Once for making a crack in typing class about Ann Wilson's (of Heart) weight. Seriously.

23. Been on a plane?
Several times.

24. Been on a cruise?
No.

25. Broken into a house?
Only my own.

26. Gotten a tattoo?
My skin is as uninked as the day is long.

27. Gotten piercings?
They would hurt too much.

28. Cried so hard you threw up?
Flip that around and you get a yes.

29. Gotten into a shouting match?
A few times.

30. Been skinny dipping?
Boynton Beach.

31. Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose?
As a Boy Scout and in college.

32. Laughed so hard it hurt?
Yes. Those are special times.

33. Tripped on your own feet?
Weekly.

34. Cried yourself to sleep?
Not for several years.

35. Cried in public?
Check the wedding video.

36. Thrown up in public?
Behind a church west of Chicago. I wasn't drunk, though. Stomach flu.

37. Lied to your parents?
How high can you count?

38. Slept in class?
Tried it once.

39. Made out with someone and didn't talk to them the next day?
Not since college.

Locutus? You dork!

PGirl had recently read that Jenny of Mama Drama had received a comment from Wil Wheaton when I walked by the computer desk. Mr. Wheaton made his bones as a child actor in “Stand By Me” and then joined the Star Trek universe as Wesley Crusher on “The Next Generation”. PGirl clicked on the author comment hyperlink and was taken to Wheaton’s blog. I glanced at the screen and continued to putter around the dining room. She began to read his latest post which had a link to a photo of a moving truck with the company name “Borg” on it. She read the caption, "Thank you for calling the Borg. This is Locutus. Shall we assimilate a home or a business for you today?", pronouncing one word as “Lock-uh-tus”. Immediately, a long dormant geek-correction device was triggered inside of me. I replied to her, “Low-cute-us. It’s pronounced Low-cute-us.” And then I continued to putter. PGirl scrunched her face up and pushed an imaginary pair of geek glasses onto her nose. Whatever.

Holding Back The Year

What did I do this year? Stolen from R and Princess.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before? Danced in a ballet.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I try and make resolutions all year. I'll continue to do so this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Scarface (from my fantasy football league) and his wife had a little girl. PGirl Jr's Godparents had a girl too.

4. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? Mo' money. Fewer problems.

5. What memories from 2006 will remain etched in your mind, and why? PGirl's new hairdo'. PGirl Jr. dancing in a recital. Galoot Jr. singing as his alter-ego, Pedro.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Being home more during the second half of the year and taking a musical to Scotland. Getting a cool job in a non-profit.

7. What was your biggest failure? Keeping a pretty cool job in teaching. Failing to get out a holiday video to the family.

8. What was the best thing you bought? New knives for the kitchen. Gift certificate for Panache for PGirl.

9. Whose behavior merited celebration? PGirl's. She consistently sets a good parenting example for me and doesn't let me slide on my own behavior.

10. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Though I've had fewer blowouts this year, I still regret them.

11. Where did most of your money go? House and daycare.

12. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The holidays as usual.

13. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? Happier, same weight, poorer.

Who Can It Be Now?

I get a lot of junk mail on my work email. Here is a sample of what I received today and my fantasized replies:

From Basil Raube:
Subject: piscivorou

Restless, give them that. When you get down to it there isn't much joy.

To: Basil
From: Galoot

Piscivorou? I assume that is French for "Pisces for you!". No thanks. I saw one of their horoscopes on Christmas Day and it looked like those folks were in for a horrible holiday.

-------------------

From: Beth Zink
Subject: Drille = pronounce

Amount of trepidation. Stuck my finger into my ear and said, I hope...

To: Beth
From: Galoot

I would pronounce that "Dreel." As in "Eef you do not geeve me the eenformation I need, I weel dreel your eyeballs out!" And don't stick your finger into anyone's ear. That's just gross. No wonder your feeling some trepidation.

Ohio Street Music

My work computer's speakers are spazzing out on me. I've decided to turn lemons into a new blog...

Ohio Street Music

Join me as I revisit old tunes and (sometimes) the old homes, old stories and old flames that are evoked on this musical journey.

Memories Light The Corners of My Eyes

My Thirteen Favorite Christmases

1. 2006 - A new gas fireplace insert, a cool-ass job, 4 days off with the family. Who could ask for anything more?
2. 1999 - The first true Christmas spent with PGirl. Enough said.
3. 2001/2003 - Tie for first Christmases with PGirl Jr. and Galoot Jr.
4. 1985 - Dad worked for the company which owned "Children's Palace/Child World" toy stores, so he often got things before they hit the market. This year he brought home a Nintendo game system. Stepbro Allen and I played Super Mario Brothers for 12 hours straight. Nothing quite like headaches and sore thumbs.
5. 1986 - Santa brought me my first stereo and "Led Zeppelin 2" on cassette. "Whole Lotta Love" sounds really cool on headphones.
6. 1971 - My mom was one month away from birthing me. Oh the joy I would bring to her...
7. 1996 - My first Christmas without any of my family. I skipped church, slept in and opened presents under my television set while on the phone with Mom.
8. 1992 - Before the Christmas break, my dorm wing won a pizza party for best hallway decorations. Also, the last Christmas spent with my Grandfather Ed.
9. 1990 - I visited Omaha with my girlfriend before flying home for the rest of the holiday. We saw "Edward Scissorhands" at the mall cinemas.
10. 1977 - My first "Star Wars" action figures finally arrived.
11. 1997 - Downside - my Grandfather Asa died. Upside - our family grew tighter.
12. 1993? - Not sure here. But I'm pretty certain I spent New Years at Sugie Proctor's dad's apartment in Harrisburg and Tom McNamara streaked through the parking lot.
13. 2005 - The clan headed down to Kentucky. PGirl, Sobermick, Mrs. Sobermick and myself watched the Bills hand the Bengals their asses on Christmas Eve! Highlight: Sobermick causing a guy in the parking lot to get so angry that the other dude hit the car in front of him. Lowlight: Redneck fanfight in the middle of the street, blocks from the stadium.

Dumb Show

I'm not referring to "The Nutcracker" itself in this title, but rather a pantomime and gibberish combination used by actors who have no dialogue. As you may or may not know, I am appearing in a local production of this ballet as the father of Clara, the little girl who goes on the adventure within the story. During the opening party scene, all of us have to act as if we're socializing, even though there is no dialogue. Many of the particpants just move their lips and make gestures. I do not subscribe to that theory of dumb show. Since the music is loud and the audience can't hear me, I speak to the others on stage. Today I present to you:

15 Things I've Said To The Other Actors On Stage

1. "Please do something about your wife. She is an embarrassment."
2. "He gets it from your side of the family."
3. "Do you know how much this party cost me? Guess. $100."
4. "I don't get it. Every time the boy sees Clara's nutcracker, he goes berserk."
5. "I'm glad Drosselmeyer gave him a toy horse to play with. Fritz killed his real pony."
6. "Seriously. Do something about your wife."
7. "Drosselmeyer gave flowers to my wife. I think something's going on with those two."
8. "You think he's too old for my wife? Hell, I'm too old for my wife."
9. "Yes, the people in the box are from China. That is the box they came in. I don't even know if they're still alive in there."
10. "It does smell, but we just burn incense."
11. "What is in your hair?"
12. "I think Grandma is blitzed."
13. "You know what I do when Fritz gets out of line? I just smack him."
14. "I wish they would invent cars already. Then we could buy him car toys and he'd stop breaking his sister's toys."
15. "And don't go off fighting rat armies after bed time."
    

Glorious Food

Stolen from the Kentucky Colonel:

Thirteen of My Favorite Places To Eat:

1. Stringtown Restaurant/Florence, Kentucky - Best biscuits and gravy.
2. Muddy Waters/Deerfield Beach, Florida - Outstanding beer selection. Ridiculously affordable Caribbean Cuisine.
3. Angela's/Islip, New York - Thin crust, oily, floppy pizza.
4. The Pub/Jamestown, New York - Best sandwich selection in a bar.
5. Sumo/Deerfield Beach, Florida - Hole in the wall, Mom and Pop sushi. Volcano Roll!
6. Skyline Chili/Greater Cincinnati - Coney Islands and 3-Ways abound.
7. Golden China/Erlanger, Kentucky - My first Chinese buffet.
8. Blue Heaven/Key West, Florida - An old brothel, chicks and cats running underfoot, gourmet breakfast foods and alcholic drinks all before Noon.
9. Shakespeare's Pizza/Columbia, Missouri - A truly unique pie. If New York Style is on one pole and Chicago Style is on another, this one sits squarely in the middle.
10. Forte/Jamestown, New York - An ever evolving menu and the best staff in town.
11. McMillan's Cafe/Fayette, Missouri - The only food they made there was a burger that was pressed on a pre-George Foreman style grill. Best with raw onions.
12. Aldo's/Jamestown, New York - Good diner food any time of the day or night.
13. Southport Raw Bar /Ft. Lauderdale, Florida - Head to the stainless steel bar at the back of the place. Ask for Big Al, a beer and Old Bay Shrimp.
    

Friday The 1st - Felt Like A Thirteen

What a day!

Several Things That Could Have Destroyed A Happy Day, (And Why They Didn't...)

1. The dog got away from me before our morning walk. (He came back.)
2. My son wasn't listening to me again this morning. I yelled at him. (I apologized. I think he forgave me.)
   
3. Nasty weather had the potential to wreak havoc on my family in Kentucky. (So far, still safe.)
4. The holiday parade was postponed because of weather. (Gave me an excuse to republish my online newsletter - which had some errors in it the first time around - in order to reflect schedule changes for a few events.)
5. I had to leave work to free my father-in-law from his attic which led to....

.....6. Missing a 1pm meeting for the second time in two weeks with the same guy. (Father-In-Law accessed the attic from a ladder on the side of his house - ladder blew over- FIL finished insulating before calling PGirl - PGirl called me to help him. Meeting guy was very understanding and wouldn't have known about the movie cancellation at our venue tonight - due to the weather cancellation of the holiday parade - if I hadn't called him to apologize for missing the meeting in the first place!)

7. Could not send out press release with photos attached. (Shrunk photos down to fit.)
8. Office chair keeps descending. (Still isn't all the way fixed, but is better.)
9. Parade Postponement part 2 (Get to finish decorating tree with family tonight!)

We've Only Just Begun

When I was growing up, the Friday morning after Thanksgiving always found my mother following the same routine. First she'd put on an 8 track of the Nat King Cole Christmas album, then the decorations would begin to go up. I eventually bought her a cassette of the album, but not a CD. I should burn a copy of ours for her...

I love holiday tunes and I'd like to share with you, my perfect holiday mix:

1. The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole - As soon as those strings come in, you know the season has started.
2. Happy Holidays by Peggy Lee - Jazzy and bouncy.
3. Most Wonderful Time of the Year by Andy Williams - I'm a sucker for his old Christmas specials back when Donny Osmond and his brothers had more teeth than hair.
4. Christmas In Hollis by Run D.M.C. - A kick ass refrain - "Rhymes so loud and proud you hear it! It's Christmas time and we've got the spirit!"
5. Jingle Bell Rock by Brenda Lee - The Hall and Oates version is pretty good too.
6. Fairytale of New York - by The Pogues and Kirsty Maccoll. Darkly humorous (He: "You're an old slut on junk. Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed." She - "You scumbag you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot. Happy Christmas your arse, I pray God it's our last!") and tear-jerking (She - "You took my dreams from me, when I first found you." He - "I kept them with me babe, and put them with my own. Can't make it all alone, I've built my dreams around you.")
7. Happy Christmas (War Is Over) by John Lennon and "Wonderful Christmas Time" by Paul McCartney. Imagine what kind of Christmas music they could have done together.
8. "White Christmas" by Etta James. If Bing was the king with his version, Etta is certainly the queen. Her's is underlaid by heavy, downbeat blues and her prologue about being in L.A. instead of the north is a great start.
9. Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth by David Bowie and Bing Crosby. Such a strange but beautiful collaboration. The first time I saw the video, I thought, WTF!

Stars In My Eyes

Because I'm bored at work...

Thirteen Roles I've Played On Stage And Thirteen Actors Who Played Them More Famously!

1. Scapino in "Scapino" - My first college role. Jim Dale (of "Harry Potter" audio book fame) played him in an early production.
2. Gandalf in "The Hobbit" - My first acting role in grade 8. Ian McKellen edges me out.
3. Falstaff in "Merry Wives Of Windsor" - Kevin Kline played him in one of the "Henry" plays in New York recently.
4. Alan Baker in "Come Blow Your Horn" - My first professional show. The Chairman of The Board - Frank Sinatra - played him on the silver screen.
5. Father Rivard in "The Runner Stumbles" - Played by Dick Van Dyke. In a TV movie no less!
6. Milt Manville in "Luv" - Take away a foot of height and one eye, add a trench coat and a beat-up car, what do you get? Yes, Peter Falk.
7. Joseph Smith in "Homage That Follows" - Bruce Davison (from X-Men) on the big screen.
8. Jacques in "As You Like It" - Kevin Kline again.
9. Dr. Gibbs in "Our Town" - Rudy's pop, Ned Beatty.
10. Pozzo in "Waiting For Godot" - The original Black Adder's papa, Brian Blessed.
11. Juror #11 in "12 Angry Men" - In 1997, Lt. Castillo himself, Edward James Olmos.
12. Herb in "Summertree" - The unsinkable Jack Warden.
13. Captain Keller in "The Miracle Worker" - Character actor, David Straitharn played him on TV a few years back.

Happy Turkey Day!

Talking Turkey

As everyone will likely be busy next Thursday, I'd like to post...

Thirteen Things I Like To Do On And Around Thanksgiving

1. Hang with the family.
2. Buy something at one of the few stores that is open. It is fun when they're almost empty of customers!
3. Watch Jodie Foster's "Home For The Holidays" on DVD. It is a but-gusting look at a family gathering on Turkey Day.
4. Catch some of the Macy's Parade.
5. Watch "Charlie Brown" Thanksgiving.
6. Try to get a look at some of the old "Friends" Thanksgiving episodes. "It tastes like feet!"
7. Not have to be anywhere except where my dinner is.
8. Watch an NFL game. Three this year with the addition of the NFL Network matchup!
9. Eat stuffing. Eat apple pie. Eat turkey. Drink wine.
10. Fall asleep somewhere other than my bed. Preferably with one of the kids or my wife sleeping on my shoulder.
11. Mentally prep for putting up the Christmas lights.
12. Watch Food Network's "Thanksgiving Unwrapped" and "The Secret History of Thanksgiving" and "Good Eats - Turkey". Rachael Ray's 30 Minute Thanksgiving gets honorable mention.
13. Plot of "The Very Barry Christmas DVD".

Agony of The Feet

As many of you know, PGirl's parallel sister, Princess is staying with us this weekend. He daughter and son have come along too and we're having a grand time.

Last night, PGirl hosted a "Body Shop" party for Princess. The only folks who showed up were Mr. Social, Mrs. Social and a gal from PGirl's place of work. I made feta garlic dip, bean dip and bruschetta. The ladies brought some wine home along with the groceries.

Mr. Social's daughter brought the kiddoe total to 5 and the two men were tasked with buying happy meals for shorty dinner. I figured that when we got back, the two of us would play with the kids and keep them away from the party. I was wrong.

Upon my return, I found the kids corraled into the back room.


In the living room, there were plastic basins filled with warm water. Five were ready for fresh feet, yet there were only 3 women who were there to be soaked. Princess doesn't count because she coordinates the whole affair. The extra basins were meant for myself and Mr. Social.

So, we did what any red-blooded, straight, American husbands would do to show our power over our wives.

We rolled up our jeans and took the plunge.

Mr. Social made a very good analogy. A Body Shop party is a lot like getting fleeced by a con-artist in the movies. The mark is led into a compromising situation where he is unclothed, tied up and ready to party. When it looks like the fun stuff is going to begin, the con takes the clothes and the guy's wallet and beats it out of there. The only differences are you lose your shoes here and you part with your money more willingly.

All kidding aside, it was pretty cool to get the foot treatment. After the lotion rub down, Mr. Social and I were sent from the room to watch the kids. I can only assume that this is the point in the evening where money changes hands.

Jacksonville

Please, please, please watch this performance!

"Jacksonville"

I saw Sufjan Stevens' on Austin City Limits last weekend and I can't get the damn song out of my head. Granted, the butterfly wings were kind of intriguing, visually. But I really like the strings and horns in it. Apparently he's released two albums about states with songs about famous people or incidents from each.
"Jacksonville" is about Helen Keller.

There's some other footage out there where the whole band is decked out in gear like this:


I'm curious about what y'all think about this dude...

Photograph

Yes, this is me.

A few weeks ago, a reporter from our local paper came by to talk about my new job. She told me the article would be out last Wednesday. I fully expected it to be tucked away by the crosswords and comics. By yesterday morning, it still had not come out. Then I got a call from the paper's photographer, wanting to take a picture. She came down to the office and snapped this lovely shot.

I think the headline should read "New Face At The Arts Council Is Looking Good....."