Dumb Show

I'm not referring to "The Nutcracker" itself in this title, but rather a pantomime and gibberish combination used by actors who have no dialogue. As you may or may not know, I am appearing in a local production of this ballet as the father of Clara, the little girl who goes on the adventure within the story. During the opening party scene, all of us have to act as if we're socializing, even though there is no dialogue. Many of the particpants just move their lips and make gestures. I do not subscribe to that theory of dumb show. Since the music is loud and the audience can't hear me, I speak to the others on stage. Today I present to you:

15 Things I've Said To The Other Actors On Stage

1. "Please do something about your wife. She is an embarrassment."
2. "He gets it from your side of the family."
3. "Do you know how much this party cost me? Guess. $100."
4. "I don't get it. Every time the boy sees Clara's nutcracker, he goes berserk."
5. "I'm glad Drosselmeyer gave him a toy horse to play with. Fritz killed his real pony."
6. "Seriously. Do something about your wife."
7. "Drosselmeyer gave flowers to my wife. I think something's going on with those two."
8. "You think he's too old for my wife? Hell, I'm too old for my wife."
9. "Yes, the people in the box are from China. That is the box they came in. I don't even know if they're still alive in there."
10. "It does smell, but we just burn incense."
11. "What is in your hair?"
12. "I think Grandma is blitzed."
13. "You know what I do when Fritz gets out of line? I just smack him."
14. "I wish they would invent cars already. Then we could buy him car toys and he'd stop breaking his sister's toys."
15. "And don't go off fighting rat armies after bed time."