Saturday, December 30, 2006

Locutus? You dork!

PGirl had recently read that Jenny of Mama Drama had received a comment from Wil Wheaton when I walked by the computer desk. Mr. Wheaton made his bones as a child actor in “Stand By Me” and then joined the Star Trek universe as Wesley Crusher on “The Next Generation”. PGirl clicked on the author comment hyperlink and was taken to Wheaton’s blog. I glanced at the screen and continued to putter around the dining room. She began to read his latest post which had a link to a photo of a moving truck with the company name “Borg” on it. She read the caption, "Thank you for calling the Borg. This is Locutus. Shall we assimilate a home or a business for you today?", pronouncing one word as “Lock-uh-tus”. Immediately, a long dormant geek-correction device was triggered inside of me. I replied to her, “Low-cute-us. It’s pronounced Low-cute-us.” And then I continued to putter. PGirl scrunched her face up and pushed an imaginary pair of geek glasses onto her nose. Whatever.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Holding Back The Year

What did I do this year? Stolen from R and Princess.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before? Danced in a ballet.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I try and make resolutions all year. I'll continue to do so this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Scarface (from my fantasy football league) and his wife had a little girl. PGirl Jr's Godparents had a girl too.

4. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? Mo' money. Fewer problems.

5. What memories from 2006 will remain etched in your mind, and why? PGirl's new hairdo'. PGirl Jr. dancing in a recital. Galoot Jr. singing as his alter-ego, Pedro.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Being home more during the second half of the year and taking a musical to Scotland. Getting a cool job in a non-profit.

7. What was your biggest failure? Keeping a pretty cool job in teaching. Failing to get out a holiday video to the family.

8. What was the best thing you bought? New knives for the kitchen. Gift certificate for Panache for PGirl.

9. Whose behavior merited celebration? PGirl's. She consistently sets a good parenting example for me and doesn't let me slide on my own behavior.

10. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Though I've had fewer blowouts this year, I still regret them.

11. Where did most of your money go? House and daycare.

12. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The holidays as usual.

13. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? Happier, same weight, poorer.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Who Can It Be Now?

I get a lot of junk mail on my work email. Here is a sample of what I received today and my fantasized replies:

From Basil Raube:
Subject: piscivorou

Restless, give them that. When you get down to it there isn't much joy.

To: Basil
From: Galoot

Piscivorou? I assume that is French for "Pisces for you!". No thanks. I saw one of their horoscopes on Christmas Day and it looked like those folks were in for a horrible holiday.


From: Beth Zink
Subject: Drille = pronounce

Amount of trepidation. Stuck my finger into my ear and said, I hope...

To: Beth
From: Galoo

I would pronounce that "Dreel." As in "Eef you do not geeve me the eenformation I need, I weel dreel your eyeballs out!" And don't stick your finger into anyone's ear. That's just gross. No wonder your feeling some trepidation.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Ohio Street Music

My work computer's speakers are spazzing out on me. I've decided to turn lemons into a new blog...

Ohio Street Music

Join me as I revisit old tunes and (sometimes) the old homes, old stories and old flames that are evoked on this musical journey.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Memories Light The Corners of My Eyes

My Thirteen Favorite Christmases

  1. 2006 - A new gas fireplace insert, a cool-ass job, 4 days off with the family. Who could ask for anything more?
  2. 1999 - The first true Christmas spent with PGirl. Enough said.
  3. 2001/2003 - Tie for first Christmases with PGirl Jr. and Galoot Jr.
  4. 1985 - Dad worked for the company which owned "Children's Palace/Child World" toy stores, so he often got things before they hit the market. This year he brought home a Nintendo game system. Stepbro Allen and I played Super Mario Brothers for 12 hours straight. Nothing quite like headaches and sore thumbs.
  5. 1986 - Santa brought me my first stereo and "Led Zeppelin 2" on cassette. "Whole Lotta Love" sounds really cool on headphones.
  6. 1971 - My mom was one month away from birthing me. Oh the joy I would bring to her...
  7. 1996 - My first Christmas without any of my family. I skipped church, slept in and opened presents under my television set while on the phone with Mom.
  8. 1992 - Before the Christmas break, my dorm wing won a pizza party for best hallway decorations. Also, the last Christmas spent with my Grandfather Ed.
  9. 1990 - I visited Omaha with my girlfriend before flying home for the rest of the holiday. We saw "Edward Scissorhands" at the mall cinemas.
  10. 1977 - My first "Star Wars" action figures finally arrived.
  11. 1997 - Downside - my Grandfather Asa died. Upside - our family grew tighter.
  12. 1993? - Not sure here. But I'm pretty certain I spent New Years at Sugie Proctor's dad's apartment in Harrisburg and Tom McNamara streaked through the parking lot.
  13. 2005 - The clan headed down to Kentucky. PGirl, Sobermick, Mrs. Sobermick and myself watched the Bills hand the Bengals their asses on Christmas Eve! Highlight: Sobermick causing a guy in the parking lot to get so angry that the other dude hit the car in front of him. Lowlight: Redneck fanfight in the middle of the street, blocks from the stadium.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Dumb Show

I'm not referring to "The Nutcracker" itself in this title, but rather a pantomime and gibberish combination used by actors who have no dialogue. As you may or may not know, I am appearing in a local production of this ballet as the father of Clara, the little girl who goes on the adventure within the story. During the opening party scene, all of us have to act as if we're socializing, even though there is no dialogue. Many of the particpants just move their lips and make gestures. I do not subscribe to that theory of dumb show. Since the music is loud and the audience can't hear me, I speak to the others on stage. Today I present to you:

15 Things I've Said To The Other Actors On Stage

  1. "Please do something about your wife. She is an embarrassment."
  2. "He gets it from your side of the family."
  3. "Do you know how much this party cost me? Guess. $100."
  4. "I don't get it. Every time the boy sees Clara's nutcracker, he goes berserk."
  5. "I'm glad Drosselmeyer gave him a toy horse to play with. Fritz killed his real pony."
  6. "Seriously. Do something about your wife."
  7. "Drosselmeyer gave flowers to my wife. I think something's going on with those two."
  8. "You think he's too old for my wife? Hell, I'm too old for my wife."
  9. "Yes, the people in the box are from China. That is the box they came in. I don't even know if they're still alive in there."
  10. "It does smell, but we just burn incense."
  11. "What is in your hair?"
  12. "I think Grandma is blitzed."
  13. "You know what I do when Fritz gets out of line? I just smack him."
  14. "I wish they would invent cars already. Then we could buy him car toys and he'd stop breaking his sister's toys."
  15. "And don't go off fighting rat armies after bed time."

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Glorious Food

Stolen from the Kentucky Colonel:

Thirteen of My Favorite Places To Eat:

  1. Stringtown Restaurant/Florence, Kentucky - Best biscuits and gravy.
  2. Muddy Waters/Deerfield Beach, Florida - Outstanding beer selection. Ridiculously affordable Caribbean Cuisine.
  3. Angela's/Islip, New York - Thin crust, oily, floppy pizza.
  4. The Pub/Jamestown, New York - Best sandwich selection in a bar.
  5. Sumo/Deerfield Beach, Florida - Hole in the wall, Mom and Pop sushi. Volcano Roll!
  6. Skyline Chili/Greater Cincinnati - Coney Islands and 3-Ways abound.
  7. Golden China/Erlanger, Kentucky - My first Chinese buffet.
  8. Blue Heaven/Key West, Florida - An old brothel, chicks and cats running underfoot, gourmet breakfast foods and alcholic drinks all before Noon.
  9. Shakespeare's Pizza/Columbia, Missouri - A truly unique pie. If New York Style is on one pole and Chicago Style is on another, this one sits squarely in the middle.
  10. Forte/Jamestown, New York - An ever evolving menu and the best staff in town.
  11. McMillan's Cafe/Fayette, Missouri - The only food they made there was a burger that was pressed on a pre-George Foreman style grill. Best with raw onions.
  12. Aldo's/Jamestown, New York - Good diner food any time of the day or night.
  13. Southport Raw Bar /Ft. Lauderdale, Florida - Head to the stainless steel bar at the back of the place. Ask for Big Al, a beer and Old Bay Shrimp.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Friday The 1st - Felt Like A Thirteen

What a day!

Several Things That Could Have Destroyed A Happy Day, (And Why They Didn't...)
  1. The dog got away from me before our morning walk. (He came back.)
  2. My son wasn't listening to me again this morning. I yelled at him. (I apologized. I think he forgave me.)
  3. Nasty weather had the potential to wreak havoc on my family in Kentucky. (So far, still safe.)
  4. The holiday parade was postponed because of weather. (Gave me an excuse to republish my online newsletter - which had some errors in it the first time around - in order to reflect schedule changes for a few events.)
  5. I had to leave work to free my father-in-law from his attic which led to....
.....6. Missing a 1pm meeting for the second time in two weeks with the same guy. (Father-In-Law accessed the attic from a ladder on the side of his house - ladder blew over- FIL finished insulating before calling PGirl - PGirl called me to help him. Meeting guy was very understanding and wouldn't have known about the movie cancellation at our venue tonight - due to the weather cancellation of the holiday parade - if I hadn't called him to apologize for missing the meeting in the first place!)

7. Could not send out press release with photos attached. (Shrunk photos down to fit.)
8. Office chair keeps descending. (Still isn't all the way fixed, but is better.)
9. Parade Postponement part 2 (Get to finish decorating tree with family tonight!)