Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Best of the Best?

In a stunning announcement two weeks ago, it was revealed to the world that Galoots Hoot Page was voted "Best Local Blog" along with 4 others in a write in category of the Chautauqua Region Word. The area I live in probably has around 100,000 people in it (county-wide), so this is no small distinction. Unfortunately, none of the 5 blogs listed was given top honors. Somehow, we're all supposed to share this. I don't think so. Call me selfish, but I have worked long and hard (often while working) at making this the best damn blog this county offers. The only "fair and balanced" way I can show you why I should have been crowned "King Of Chautauqua Bloggers" is to offer you some information about the other 4 that, if made public, would certainly convince you that I am your man.

1. "King of Chautauqua Bloggers" implies that a man should hold this distinction. That automatically rules out In Java and Preppygirl. I don't know what gender Jamestown Lawyer is. Disqualified for not being obvious as to what you really are, attorney-person! So this leaves Makkaio and I to duke it out.
2. Makkaio is a pacifist and holds a public office around here. Even if we did fight, he would take the higher road and lay down his weapons, making me the winner by forfeit. I'd still shoot him dead with my cross-bow. Plus, he has his own domain name. Utterly pretentious.
3. Assuming Makkaio's security detail shoots me down in cold blood and probably in the back, this would leave the other three to fight over the title. Hopefully you would still pick me in death because:
  • In Java would probably have to assume her husband's position in City Hall and serve out his term. She'll have little time to blog and will have to work two jobs.
  • Preppygirl would mourn me for like, five minutes, before moving the kids out to England in order to try and find another father figure like Hugh Grant or Colin Firth. Her new posts would be infrequent and in the British language - hard to read.
  • Even if you still want to go with Jamestown Lawyer, this person is into law. And we all know what a mess our country is in because of Gonzalez and all those firings.
So, if you aren't going to pick me, I could care less. Throw away your vote. I still score a moral victory.



Julia said...

You know, I'll openly admit that I voted for your blog for "Best of" even though I've been writing mine for SIX YEARS.

Jamestown Lawyer is a man. He works down the street from you. Email me muzenews(at)gmail(dot)com and I'll tell you who it is.

Makkaio doesn't actually hold a public office, so he doesn't serve a term. However, his job does depend on someone else winning re-election.

And a word on security details? We're into secret operatives, and "In Java" has a Special Agent friend that would be willing to take out the whole lot of you.

You know what this means. It means Preppy Girl wins simply because she not only married you but bore your children. That's something none of the other nominees can claim.

Mr. Social said...

I really should have started campaigning earlier to get my blog in the runnning. There are plenty of things I could do right now to get my blog on top next year.

That reminds me Galoot... return the crossbow I lent you... I need it.

Galoot said...

I'm going to take you both out, point by point...

- I don't need a lawyer, yet, but I don't want to see Lawyer's face. It makes it that much more challenging to track him down.

- Don't call me "Shirley", but maybe hubby should be playing both sides at this point. I know a certain someone who might "san-flip" head over heals for your Flyin' Hawaiian.

- Bring on that Special Agent! I'll see Wally Huckno coming from a mile away!

- I don't even know if those kids are mine! The boy resembles the kid that used to mow our lawn. Though the girl does toot loudly in public. She might belong to me...

Mr. Social
- Let me guess what your checklist is to climb to the top of the blogosphere. Hmmm...
a. Destroy the Blogger server by means of a super-virus.
b. Make "Acrowars" the new destination for online insight.
c. Unleash the furious and cute power of your daughter and my "alleged" niece on your constituents.

I'm all over this one. Come by at 5pm, you'll find your beloved weapon of choice within the milk door. Assuming you get past my "Asa-sin" you can have it. I can take out Makkaio with a few choice Karate moves.

3carnations said...

I realize I don't get a vote because I'm not in the area...But you'd be nothing without Preppygirl (in blogland, that is). A large portion of your following is those of us who clicked your link on her blog. She made you, man. Be happy with second place. :)

Julia said...

I should let Makkaio speak for himself on this, but he won't play both sides in that race. Anyway, if things don't pan out in November then he'll probably just set about writing a virus code to take out all the blogs, leaving his domain the sole entity for people to discover the Internet through.

I think we all should be worried about the little-blonde-haired-girl that claims you as an Uncle. I've heard dastardly cute things about her.

Mr. Social said...

Oh my! How confrontational! (read aloud as if you are C3-PO).

You've been spending too much time on chautauquaamp.com, Master Galoot.

Galoot said...

Things are not looking good for me! Or are they? Maybe PGirl has sent me on this mission in order to gain sympathy. She might even have a consolation prize for me if I'm defeated. Time will tell...

TM said...

The things I miss when I actually do work for a day instead of trolling the blogosphere...

-R- said...

I like your analysis, Galoot! Except for the part where you don't like lawyers.

TM said...

On second thought, maybe you ought to be a little more worried about the anonymous person you simply disregarded and regicide. Just sayin', king of internet media.

Mama Drama Jenny said...

Those who die young are always revered so technically if you are killed in some firey bloodbath your title will be safe for eternity.

It's totally a win-win situation.

Except for the firey bloodbath thing.