Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Whoah here she comes!

This little gem was in the reader's forum of The Post Journal of Jamestown, New York this morning.

Sleep Well My Friend, I Will Find Out Who You Are

"10/11/2006 - To the Readers’ Forum: This letter is to the mail thief who saw fit to steal packages off of my mail box on Oct. 2.

I’m sure you are proud of yourself for doing the ‘‘drive-by pick-up’’ without being caught. The worst part is, I was home at the time so I saw the package there one minute and gone the next.

I hope you are a teenage boy who enjoys bath and body products because I believe that is what you got!

You will be caught eventually because I did call the police. If you are stupid enough to try it again, you will have a major surprise coming! It won’t be pleasant either.

If you are really dumb enough to commit a federal crime then you are dumb enough to brag about it and one of your friends could be someone I know, as I know a lot of people, including kids.

This took place in Hartfield. My mail carrier was so sick about this that she called her boss right away to see where the packages came from and then told me I should contact the police. I can’t thank her enough for helping me as I then had an idea which place I had ordered from and could call to tell them what happened.

I would love to offer a reward for the arrest of this common thief, but I need my money to set up the surprise you have coming if you try this stunt again.

Sleep well my friend, I will find out who you are.

You probably aren’t smart enough to read, so you may not see this letter, but someone who knows you will!

Moms, daughters, girlfriends,if your son gives you an unexpected gift of bath and body goodies, beware, they are probably stolen. Peggy Cole, Dewittville"

What are your guesses as to what the "surprise" will be?


3carnations said...

I'm guessing there is no surprise. An intimidation tactic. I hope it works.

It's too bad people do things likes that. I hope they get caught...and that she gets her lotions and bubble bath back ;)

TheMick said...

I'm going to guess that the surprise is either gay porn and dildo or anthraxs

PreppyGirl said...

I would like to comment but I am laughing too hard.

-R- said...

OMG. My first thought of the "surprise" was a spring-loaded gun. I think that just because I read too many cases about that in law school. I like the mick's ideas better!

princess slea said...

hmmmmmmmm, intriguing. whatever she's doing requires money so....installing video cameras maybe.
i hope whoever it was does steal again just so we can find out.

PreppyGirl said...

Hey -R-... maybe it's a NINJA GUN!

Stinkypaw said...

I;m with 3c on this, intimidation in hopes to scare a stupid kid... or was it a kid?

-R- said...

Preppy, that would be awesome! I would think the threat of being hit with tiny ninjas would definitely keep anyone from stealing her mail!

Julia said...

It was in the Post-Journal... would you expect anything less?

Mr. Social said...

If the crime was committed in Hartfield, I'm fairly sure the standard Neighborhood Watch Guide states that the proper post-theft response-surprise is a standard pit trap filled with horse excrement or Jeff Foxworthy merchandise (interchangeable).

monkeybrigade said...

Maybe she's buying the dogs with bees that shoot out of their mouths.